How do you justify a life change that makes no sense to the previous self? What do you say to those around you who are confused by you and your new goals? And why should you feel that you have to justify your life?
My whole life has changed. My goals, my needs, my wants - everything is different, and I almost feel like I need to justify it to myself. I can't bring myself to talk about it to my friends who are still living the responsiblity-free world of living at home with their parents, working their fun part/full-time jobs, and going shopping on a whim at any spare moment they may have.
It's funny that I feel that I can't open up to them, I used to be like them, but I'm afraid they'll judge me, I'll bore them, and there will be an awkward moment as I turn the attention back to them and their life, and I can't help but feel disconnected to them.
My goals now are to make my boyfriend happy, to give my daughter the best childhood possible, to keep my house clean and hopefully have another baby - soon. My favourite thing is discovering what new words I can get my daughter to say, playing with my puppy, watching a movie with my bf at the end of a long day and cuddling on the couch.
But it's not like I'm still not myself - I still love celebrity gossip, I love reading Vogue and Marie Claire and all my chick-lit novels, and lusting after Carrie Bradshaw's outfits on the SATC dvd marathon that is on constantly play while my baby is napping. And I cherish my alone time, to be myself, to do what I love to do.
It seems silly to ignore my friends phone calls sometimes, but sometimes I would rather just not pick up - they always call to go shopping at places where I have to spend $$$ money on things I seriously do not need, and my excuses are so lame I almost can't get out of these unnecessary shopping excursions - laundry, cleaning, baby is something I am easily talked out of.
A girl always love a shopping trip, but really, a girl still wants to be herself. And as a mother, a girlfriend, a dog owner, you have limited time to be yourself - and they always say you should make time for yourself, so I am.
And if that means watching Sex & The City while my baby's napping, cuddling with my Yorkie, and ignoring the phone for a couple of hours, well, call me selfish, but it makes me happy, and that, at the end of the day, is the most important thing you can do for yourself.
Friday, August 31
Tuesday, August 21
Baby Steps Towards a Trophy Wife
My goal at the beginning of this was to eventually become a Trophy Wife. Well, I haven't lost any weight, I AM starting to excercise more and be more active, and I actually made dinner for my hubby last night. AND a late night snack. Wow.
And lately I've been thinking about having another baby. So much so as to make an appointment with my Ob-Gyn and have my IUD taken out. What really drove me to do it was actually something so embarassing and materialistic that you would really shake your head at. But I found THE CUTEST double stroller and car seat, and will only fit a toddler in the front until they are 50 pounds, so I want to make sure the next baby will be close to my daughter's age. The only problem is that my doc is on vaca until September 10th. I'm so impatient I want it out now!
I've decided my next pregnancy is NOT going to be a repeat of my first. I'm going to actually work out, eat healthy and not be a depressing fat slob of a preggo. Truthfully, I can't wait - which is really really odd because I never wanted a second child. But something just clicked in me the other day and now that's all I can think about (and not just for the stroller and car seat!). I'm checking out pregnancy magazines, fashion, everything. I don't know why I got this in my head, but it's driving me.
If I had a boy, I would most likely name him Gabriel Dolce. Girl names I like are Sofia, Isabella, Angelina... but at the same time I would want something unique and different. I think the new baby's name is the hardest thing for me to pick out.
Anyway, I'll stop dreaming. I realize this might not be as easy as I hope it will be, I realize there may be some bumps along the way and we might not get pregnant as soon as I want to be, but hopefully I get pregnant soon and I'll have a second little baby in this world to care for.
And lately I've been thinking about having another baby. So much so as to make an appointment with my Ob-Gyn and have my IUD taken out. What really drove me to do it was actually something so embarassing and materialistic that you would really shake your head at. But I found THE CUTEST double stroller and car seat, and will only fit a toddler in the front until they are 50 pounds, so I want to make sure the next baby will be close to my daughter's age. The only problem is that my doc is on vaca until September 10th. I'm so impatient I want it out now!
I've decided my next pregnancy is NOT going to be a repeat of my first. I'm going to actually work out, eat healthy and not be a depressing fat slob of a preggo. Truthfully, I can't wait - which is really really odd because I never wanted a second child. But something just clicked in me the other day and now that's all I can think about (and not just for the stroller and car seat!). I'm checking out pregnancy magazines, fashion, everything. I don't know why I got this in my head, but it's driving me.
If I had a boy, I would most likely name him Gabriel Dolce. Girl names I like are Sofia, Isabella, Angelina... but at the same time I would want something unique and different. I think the new baby's name is the hardest thing for me to pick out.
Anyway, I'll stop dreaming. I realize this might not be as easy as I hope it will be, I realize there may be some bumps along the way and we might not get pregnant as soon as I want to be, but hopefully I get pregnant soon and I'll have a second little baby in this world to care for.
Not Enough Drama?
Watching The Hills last night, I was a little disappointed. I had expected there to be more drama, thanks to the previews that they keep running. But last night's episode left more to be desired, really only showing Audrina trying to figure out things with her ex, Justin Bobby, and Heidi reclaiming a little sense of independence and painting over the "mural" of spraypaint on the wall. I think I care more about Whitney and Lauren, which really had no point on the show last night. Ah well, can't wait til next week!
Tuesday, August 14
What Are We Waiting For?
Last night I not only got to watch one of my favourite shows, but I went over to a girlfriend's to watch it. We drank wine, ate strawberries, and just relaxed. During the commercials we talked and caught up on our lives, and she revealed to me the problems she was having with her family and job, and how she wanted to move but the guilt she felt to take care of her family members was overpowering.
This girl's life is moving in such slow motion, she's getting no where fast, it's almost in a stand still, and she needs a major push to get going. At this point in her life she needs to be a little selfish to get what she wants. You almost want to ask her, what is she waiting for? But really, aren't we all like this?
I mean, I am dying to lose weight - why haven't I done it yet? Why haven't I focused on it and really made it my goal to do something about it? I have no idea, I definitely don't want to be fat forever, but what am I waiting for? Some magic drink to fall out of the sky? A liposuction gift certificate? Seriously though, I am putting my dreams on somebody else, so I don't have to be responsible for it. Sometimes I just need to grow up and smell the Starbucks.
Today I am packing up my house, not sure where we're moving yet and we move in 10 days. We're going to see a rental in the beaches today, and I am so excited I could scream. But I won't.
We should all make it a resolution to figure out what the biggest thing we dream about is, something atainable and reachable, and just start working towards it. Don't make a big deal about it, but cut out the sweets, make your business cards, do whatever the first step is in your goal and just do it. No one else will do it for you.
What are you waiting for?
This girl's life is moving in such slow motion, she's getting no where fast, it's almost in a stand still, and she needs a major push to get going. At this point in her life she needs to be a little selfish to get what she wants. You almost want to ask her, what is she waiting for? But really, aren't we all like this?
I mean, I am dying to lose weight - why haven't I done it yet? Why haven't I focused on it and really made it my goal to do something about it? I have no idea, I definitely don't want to be fat forever, but what am I waiting for? Some magic drink to fall out of the sky? A liposuction gift certificate? Seriously though, I am putting my dreams on somebody else, so I don't have to be responsible for it. Sometimes I just need to grow up and smell the Starbucks.
Today I am packing up my house, not sure where we're moving yet and we move in 10 days. We're going to see a rental in the beaches today, and I am so excited I could scream. But I won't.
We should all make it a resolution to figure out what the biggest thing we dream about is, something atainable and reachable, and just start working towards it. Don't make a big deal about it, but cut out the sweets, make your business cards, do whatever the first step is in your goal and just do it. No one else will do it for you.
What are you waiting for?
Fake as His Smile
A little The Hills segue last night, watched it, was SHOCKED by Speidi's engagment with that UGLY fake ring of his that he picked out at some airport gift shop. Brutal, and really, he didn't actually say the words "Would you marry me?" He babbled on some other bullshit which Heidi ate up with such eagerness it makes you throw up a little in your mouth. And almost any good boyfriend would try to fit the ring to your finger, Mr Hollywood.
Luuurrvvv Whitney last night - the most honest girl on that whole show - NO! Love it. Audrina is gorgeous beyond words, and poor poor Lauren. Can't wait for the season to get on with itself!
Luuurrvvv Whitney last night - the most honest girl on that whole show - NO! Love it. Audrina is gorgeous beyond words, and poor poor Lauren. Can't wait for the season to get on with itself!
Monday, August 13
Almost Married.... But Not Quite
I consider myself off the market, no ring yet, but in the future most likely. For me and my boyfriend, the responsibility of a baby, a home, a dog, and shared assets seems like enough for now, especially because we were thrown into a lifestyle we weren't planning. On occasion I call him my husband, usually to strangers, and only to make it easier than explaining a long story of the baby, etc. And I truly, honestly do not have a problem with no being married yet - I'm practically married, as all my friends say.
And yet, in the competitive eye that is fake friends and acquaintances, I somehow seem that I am looked at as not in the same league as my married friends. Amidst coversation about married life, I feel like I am being handled with baby gloves, that I wouldn't understand really being married, because I'm not really married. This double standard makes me want to scream whenever we get together at a barbeque, a birthday, or any other couples get-together.
The "Marrieds" stick with the married women, and the not-yet married gals stick to their own. As if taking official vows and having a reception seperates these two groups of women to the point that they can no longer carry a proper conversation with each other. And then there's me, in between.
The Marrieds own homes, cars, pets, take vacations, have proper jobs, as do my husband and I, we have the addition of a child, which none of our friends do. But still, I feel as if I'm being excluded from something they have, something only an engagement ring can bring me.
The Single gals live with their parents/friends, might borrow a family car, and have no real ties and responsibilities to anyone but themselves. They also hate marraige speak, wedding talk, all that jazz, which I can completely understand. So I'm stuck excluded from the married circle and surrounded by single women who do not care to hear about my life which seems so dull next to their own.
Now don't get me wrong, just because I am almost married does not mean I am not still the same girl I used to be. I am, I still love The Hills, doing my hair and makeup, I love shopping and all things girly, but what concerns me most now is housing prices, daycare, the new bugaboo stroller, how to keep excitement in my "almost" marraige.
This struggle in my social life really bothers me at times, but then there are times when I see another young mom at the park, with a two year old, and my daughter and her child will play. And for a second I'll connect with that mom and we'll share a joke or two about children and be on our way. For that little while I realize there are other people in the world that exist about children, and I just need to find them, I'm not alone in this.
And yet, in the competitive eye that is fake friends and acquaintances, I somehow seem that I am looked at as not in the same league as my married friends. Amidst coversation about married life, I feel like I am being handled with baby gloves, that I wouldn't understand really being married, because I'm not really married. This double standard makes me want to scream whenever we get together at a barbeque, a birthday, or any other couples get-together.
The "Marrieds" stick with the married women, and the not-yet married gals stick to their own. As if taking official vows and having a reception seperates these two groups of women to the point that they can no longer carry a proper conversation with each other. And then there's me, in between.
The Marrieds own homes, cars, pets, take vacations, have proper jobs, as do my husband and I, we have the addition of a child, which none of our friends do. But still, I feel as if I'm being excluded from something they have, something only an engagement ring can bring me.
The Single gals live with their parents/friends, might borrow a family car, and have no real ties and responsibilities to anyone but themselves. They also hate marraige speak, wedding talk, all that jazz, which I can completely understand. So I'm stuck excluded from the married circle and surrounded by single women who do not care to hear about my life which seems so dull next to their own.
Now don't get me wrong, just because I am almost married does not mean I am not still the same girl I used to be. I am, I still love The Hills, doing my hair and makeup, I love shopping and all things girly, but what concerns me most now is housing prices, daycare, the new bugaboo stroller, how to keep excitement in my "almost" marraige.
This struggle in my social life really bothers me at times, but then there are times when I see another young mom at the park, with a two year old, and my daughter and her child will play. And for a second I'll connect with that mom and we'll share a joke or two about children and be on our way. For that little while I realize there are other people in the world that exist about children, and I just need to find them, I'm not alone in this.
Happy Hour
The Original Caesar
I would love one right now and a must-do for brunch the morning after drinking.
4 oz Motts* Clamato* Juice
1 oz. vodka
2 tsp. Lime juice
2 Dashes Hot Pepper Sauce
2 Dashes Worcestershire ® Sauce
Salt & Pepper
Layer in an ice-filled glass and garnish with huge green olives.
Happy Weekend...
I love when I have a really good weekend, one consisting of a stay in a hotel, partying with my boyfriend, away from home and baby and puppy.... until I come back down to reality and the hangover kicks in, the bloatedness from all the drinking kicks in, and I don't want to deal with anybody.
But alas, responsibility has to kick in, and perhaps after a long hot shower, maybe a facial and a hair treatment, I'll feel back to my good old self. I really messed up my diet last week, I even ate a McD's brekkie this morning - which is really mandatory after a weekend of serious binge drinking - but truly, I have to get back on track.
Which will begin today, after I actually start my day.
But alas, responsibility has to kick in, and perhaps after a long hot shower, maybe a facial and a hair treatment, I'll feel back to my good old self. I really messed up my diet last week, I even ate a McD's brekkie this morning - which is really mandatory after a weekend of serious binge drinking - but truly, I have to get back on track.
Which will begin today, after I actually start my day.
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