Life Changing...

How do you justify a life change that makes no sense to the previous self? What do you say to those around you who are confused by you and your new goals? And why should you feel that you have to justify your life?

My whole life has changed. My goals, my needs, my wants - everything is different, and I almost feel like I need to justify it to myself. I can't bring myself to talk about it to my friends who are still living the responsiblity-free world of living at home with their parents, working their fun part/full-time jobs, and going shopping on a whim at any spare moment they may have.

It's funny that I feel that I can't open up to them, I used to be like them, but I'm afraid they'll judge me, I'll bore them, and there will be an awkward moment as I turn the attention back to them and their life, and I can't help but feel disconnected to them.

My goals now are to make my boyfriend happy, to give my daughter the best childhood possible, to keep my house clean and hopefully have another baby - soon. My favourite thing is discovering what new words I can get my daughter to say, playing with my puppy, watching a movie with my bf at the end of a long day and cuddling on the couch.

But it's not like I'm still not myself - I still love celebrity gossip, I love reading Vogue and Marie Claire and all my chick-lit novels, and lusting after Carrie Bradshaw's outfits on the SATC dvd marathon that is on constantly play while my baby is napping. And I cherish my alone time, to be myself, to do what I love to do.

It seems silly to ignore my friends phone calls sometimes, but sometimes I would rather just not pick up - they always call to go shopping at places where I have to spend $$$ money on things I seriously do not need, and my excuses are so lame I almost can't get out of these unnecessary shopping excursions - laundry, cleaning, baby is something I am easily talked out of.

A girl always love a shopping trip, but really, a girl still wants to be herself. And as a mother, a girlfriend, a dog owner, you have limited time to be yourself - and they always say you should make time for yourself, so I am.

And if that means watching Sex & The City while my baby's napping, cuddling with my Yorkie, and ignoring the phone for a couple of hours, well, call me selfish, but it makes me happy, and that, at the end of the day, is the most important thing you can do for yourself.